My Derby New Year Resolutions

Derby is my life, so this year my resolutions are going to be derby focused.  I'm actually excited.  I've been really bad about crosstraining and washing my pads in the past.  Now its time to stop procrastinating and do something about it.  Just writing it is getting me pumped.  I suggest you do the same if you do the derb.  Here is mine to give you some ideas.

• Jam more even if its scary and I suck at it.
• Keep moving my feet when I'm jamming.
• Cross-train at least twice a week.
• Communicate with my team more on the track.
• React quicker.
• Hit off the line.
• Hold the line like no body's business.
• Make three practices a week.
• Wash my pads every other week.

Feel the Force

Recently I feel I have tapped into a new kind of jedi blocking force.  Its so simple yet effective.  Here's the skinny.  While blocking a jammer avoid the whip lash approach of turning your head side to side in order to keep track of her.  Instead look only one direction.  If you see the jammer good news, you know where she's at.  If you don't see the jammer move the direction of you blind spot and I bet ya that's where she'll be.  When do you stop you say?  Well if you are in a wall (most likely playing the outside), as soon as you feel your teammate.  If your alone trust that you those lines are ingrained in your feet and you'll know where to stop. At first this feels really strange, but after sometime, practice, and trust you too will feel the force.

So you lost the bout.....

After a horrible loss on the road (SERIOUSLY, it was bad. Luckily the score board only went to 100 so to the crowd it didn't look like we totally got our butts' wiped), the B team I play for kept our spirits high by turning our focus to winning the after party.  How might you say one wins the after party? Well we devised a game of points and away we went with sheer determination to show these girls how to get down! This is how you can score points and ensure your team wins the next after party

• Taking shots or drop shots.  Doing this a a group has the greatest effect. 
• Getting down and dirty on the dance floor
• Making out, either with strangers or your friends
• Many bars these days have pools.  If there is one, now is the time to unleash your inner stripper.
• Rage it until the bar closes and then take the party to the after/after party
• Wearing no pants, costumes, or anything to draw a ton of attention to yourself
• If there is karaoke, show everyone the diva you are and sing your heart out
• Making a spectacle.  This could include wrestling, a strip tease, or anything to draw a crowd.
• Flashing can score your team some serious points
• Making friends on the opposing team just to show them there's no hard feelings 

You may be wondering, did we take the after party that night?  You beat your sweet ass we did!  Ever since that glorious night we have striven to win each and every after party following.  There have been some good contenders but no one I've meet rages it quite like ECRG (well except maybe the BAD girls).  So next time your team loss to a blow out, don't worry, there's still the after party to win. 

What's Your Favorite Position?

If you are new to scrimmaging you may find yourself asking the question, "What position am I best fit for."  No worries, Let me break it down for ya'll.

Blocker:  Most fresh meat start out on this position.  As a blocker your job is to basically  hold the opposing team's jammer and assist you jammer through the pack.  What does this take?  Excellent awareness of both jammers positions at all times.  You wouldn't want the other team's jammer to whiz by you with no effort.  That's why knowing the jammer's position is so important.  This will dictate whether you're playing offense or defense, which brings me to my next point.  Blocking also takes the ability to switch from offense to defense.  Team work is also essential.  You have to be good at building walls and working with your teammates.  Communication is key.  You also need to be able to break up walls and hold or hit opposing blockers to make holes for your jammer.

Blue Ruin and Krazy Kurls pivoting for the Flat Track
Furies (Blue) and the Church of Sk8in (Red)

Pivot:  Lines up at the front of the pack on the pivot line and wear striped helmet covers.  If you have ever been referred to as bossy, loud mouthed, or  assertive pivoting may be the right position for you.   When your out on the track everything can seem crazy, that is why Pivots must be loud and assertive.  Over all the madness they're teammates must be able to hear and you respond and respond.  As you can imagine, Pivots are traditionally are the brains on the track.  They call the plays.  That means you need to know your strategy to play this position.  If your jammer is in the box you better know to run a kill line or  the opposing team is gonna have a hell of a power jam.  If you feel confident in the dynamics of the game and feel like a leader maybe you should try some pivoting.  

Frankie Facebreaker jamming for the Furies

Jammer:  Role is to score points for her team.  Jammers wear a helmet cover with a star on it.  As you can imagine jammers have a very important position because they score the points.  To be a jammer you need to be fast, agile, and an athlete.  Speed is you're friend when you are a jammer how else are you going to out skate your opponents. You also need to have some juking skills in order to maneuver around blockers.  You need to know how to avoid being hit unless you like falling down and recovering. The ability to twist your body is also handing when trying to squeeze through tight spaces.  Last of all you need to have some good endurance.  Skating for up to two minutes full force might sound easy but  its no walk in the park.  If this sounds like something you can handling then try donning the star.

A zebra herd reviewing a call in an official time out
NSO's in green

Referee:  If you feel that committing to a team's practice schedule is too much for you, but you still want to be a part of a league maybe refereeing is for you.  There are a lot of different kinds of refs.  You have NOS (non-skating refs) that track penalties, points, and run the penalty box among a few duties.  If you can skate then why not try your hand at being a pack ref or a jammer ref.  You are much more a part of the action.  There is one responsibility as a ref, you need to know the rules like the back of your hand.  If you are sending a player to the box you want to be confident in your decision why she belongs there.  Bonus refs get to choice groovy pseudo names too.

Volunteer:  If refereeing still seems like too much responsibility you can help your local league out by volunteering at the next bout.  There are all kinds of positions and most likely you'll get to see half of the bout for free!

Tell em what you really what

If you have a derby girl on your Christmas shopping list or if you're a derby girl that is making a holiday wish list, let me help you.  These gifts are sure to bring a smile to a rollergirl's face Christmas day.

• A derby girl can never have too many socks.  For fun and funky knee high socks look no further than Sock It To Me.  With so many patterns and designs its hard to choose.  Socks are priced at $7.50 a pair, so no worries if you go a little overboard.

• Magazine subscriptions are the gift that keeps giving every month.  Five on Five is the official magazine of women's flat track roller derby and an amazing publication covering health & fitness, games & coaching, WFTDA, rookie help, gear, international derby and more.  Issues are published quarterly and run $25.99 for a year subscription.

• Do you or someone you know have bag odor.  If you're a rollergirl the answer is sadly most likely "YES"  Lucky for you there is a product out there designed to neutralize any foul odors skunking up skate bags.  This is the amazing product is the Bagball.  It comes in 5 different scents - Burst (citrus), Cher-Ber(berry), Hot Pink (apple/fruit), Ocean Breeze, and Blast (smells like fabric softener). You can find the Bagball at many online retailers for as little as $5.97.

• All derby girls suffer from bruising and sore muscles time to time.  Fortunately there is now a skin care company that specializes in holistic remedies for derby girls. Dr. Hausechka's has even put together a special Rollergirl care kit.  It includes: Ouch! Aid Arnica Compress (box of 5) to relieve the pain and swelling from bumps, bruises, sprains or general muscular discomfort; Arnica Bump and Bruise Relief to speed recovery from sprains, strains and bruises; Birch Arnica Body Oil to soothe, revitalize and support flexibility for tight muscles and fatigued joints; plus a WFTDA Cinch Sack and Button.  A $62.90 value sold at $29.95

• Spanks or bootie shorts are a must have in any rollergirl's wardrobe.  Derby Skinz is headquarters for the best spanks around.  They come in a variety of colors and fabrics sure to make your hiney shiney.  You can even customize them with your own catch phrase. 

 

• I adore handmade gifts.  If you do too checkout Etsy for some super cute roller derby paraphernalia.  A simple search of "roller derby" will yield results for necklaces, buttons, stickers, tees, toe guards, leg warmers, bootie shorts, and more!

Merry Christmas

Don't Be a Douche Bag!

I find it amusing that a device used for vaginal irrigation is now widely used as a derogatory slang term for someone who is a jerk.  In roller derby "don't be a douche bag," is a cardinal rule.  

Roller derby is no sport for the easily offended, faint of heart, or sissy girls who can't stand bruising. Only women with thick skin, tenacity to push their body beyond it's limits, and are hardcore enough to withstand brutal blows can really make it.  In essence, signing up for roller derby is like volunteering to get beaten up by a clan of wild banshees.  That being said, there is still no reason to be a douche bag since most of us, even opposing teams or leagues, are chummy off the track.  

My first encounter with douche baggery on the track occurred when I started scrimmaging.  I remember being more excited than a kid about to go on their first roller coaster ride.  Of course I was also experiencing the "poop or puke" syndrome associated with skittishness.  After all, I was playing with the big girls who had years more experience than me and could lay me out flat on my ass before I saw what was coming.  None the less, I was determined to give it all I had, even if that was only holding the line.  

At one point in the scrimmage, the bench coach passed the jammer pantie to me. I was thrilled, it was finally my chance to show the big girls what I was made of.  Skating up to the jam line my heart was fluttering with anticipation.  Then there was one whistle, signaling the pack to start followed by two, signaling us jammers.  I skated as fast as I could.  Approaching the pack I tried to avoid the blockers but one skater had honed in on me like an eagle on its prey.  It was if she could foresee my every move.  Then all of a sudden I felt her bony shoulder crush my chest as she swooped in for the kill.  The blow caused me to let out a sound I didn't even know I was capable off making.  It was at that moment I understood the power of the sternum buster first hand.  We'd practiced it a few times on the Rookie team I was on, but never full force.  In any case, I wasn't gonna let one blow keep me from getting through that pack!  I regained my momentum and then slam!  Another!  The bitch hit me with another sternum buster!  At this point my boob was tingling with pain and I was starting to get really aggravated.  Then smack! Again with the sternum buster!  WTF, I was a rookie!  Why the hell was she treating me like a star jammer on the travel team!  

After this jam I developed a bruise on my boob, a fear of jamming, a grudge for one particular skater, and a deeper understanding of the rule, "don't be a douche bag."

To all you out there that do the derby and play tough, I salute you.  You make the sport exciting to watch and raise the level of competition to new heights.  However when you're playing with rookies who are fresh to scrimmaging, take it easy.  Its not that you shouldn't hit them, they need to experience taking hits in order to improve.  However slaughtering them with big hits is pretty extreme and evil.  After all rookies really aren't that hard to block anyways.  To those of you that get some kind of satisfaction in hurting animals, making babies cry,  and picking on rookies I hope some derby karma comes your way.